For you kind, patient souls out there who’ve been checking in here occasionally for progress on my book, a couple things:
First, thank you. It turns out writing a book is actually way harder than walking across a continent, and so I appreciate the continued support. I haven’t been posting much here over the past two years, mostly because I’ve been pouring myself into the manuscript, which hasn’t left me with much writing-juice for the blog. Writing this book has been like singing a years-long song, except it’s been a silent song. It can only resonate with sound once someone else is reading the book. Hopefully it won’t be too much longer now, because what’s the use of a silent song? It’s like some kind of unanswerable Zen koan.
Second, some logistics. The universe threw me a bit of a curveball, and since it’ll affect the trajectory of the book’s timing, I wanted to tell the short story here. My editor at Houghton Mifflin moved on to a new job at Penguin in the fall. I was sorry to lose her – she’d been a great mentor and advocate for me – but we parted ways on good terms. Then, this spring, Houghton Mifflin informed me they wanted to cancel my contract. The reasons for this are complex, and to be completely honest I don’t fully understand all of them myself, but there’s no need to go into any of that here. The main thing is, I had a publisher once. Now I don’t.
I won’t pretend I wasn’t devastated, but the whole thing has taught me a lot: Beware your expectations. Mind your attachments. Let go of your grasping. Don’t fight the unfolding, trust it. It has also given me the chance to dance with Doubt, and learn from it, and walk away (on my good days). My friend, Alexis (who took me in with her husband, Archie, out in New Mexico when I was walking), wrote me this after I first found out about the cancellation. It’s too good not to share, especially for anyone being pursued by Doubt on the dance floor:
“Don’t let that little fucker DOUBT come a-knocking, Andrew. Don’t you dare open that door, not even a little crack. Please believe me when I say that nothing good will come from doubting yourself. You have a gift, make no mistake. Part of life’s sweet challenge is to know what you know, with a faithful knowingness – even when the vagaries of life would temporarily have you believe otherwise. Doubt blossoms when its alter-ego, Trust, thrives only on the feedback from others.”
So it is with all of us and our gifts.
All this to say, it’s going to take me a bit longer to give birth to this book. But I guess that’s not out of character. I move at a pretty slow pace most of the time. I made my mom go through a 40-hour labor before I finally decided I was ready to enter this world. Now that I’m the one in labor, though, and it’s taking forever, I can say I feel your pain, Mom. Actually, no, no I can’t. Let’s be real: Writing is a joke compared to childbirth. Mad respect to all you moms out there.
I’m hoping to find a new publisher this summer. I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks so much for being there.
Good luck on your search for a new publisher! And maybe mention you have more than a few people out here ready to pre-order said book. 🙂
Sorry about the turn of events but your friend, Alexis, is right. Like the wet, bone chilling days in the mountains or the long, hot, dry ones in the desert, push on and you’ll look back and be thankful you did. Best wishes my friend and soldier on.
Best of luck with the rest of the writing. I hope a new publisher will be interested in your story. It’s a very worthy one to share.
However long it’ll take, I’ll be expecting your book release eagerly 🙂
Andrew, I was so sorry to hear about your publisher. Mama told me about it a while ago. I know that was a tough blow. Hang in there. You do have a special gift. If you ever need a place to hang your hat for a while, our door is open.
Don’t give up Andrew, it will happen. Just another lesson in patience and perseverance.
I’m sorry to hear the book deal did not happen with the publisher and editor, however it does sound like you, yourself aren’t quite as established with the book’s progress at this point. I understand the frustration of (self) doubt, grasping, the delay in developing this book and all else you have learned in this process. I have been going through the same thing since 2007 when one event shattered life (and myself) as I knew it and triggered a series of other events and questions about myself and life. I could go on but my post would be quite lengthy and would most likely bore all those reading – if I haven’t already, but I do understand and yes, sometimes wish the process can be sped up, but looking back I have found aspects of life fascinating, found big experiences (like living in national parks where you and I met once) or small everyday things, have been amazing and appreciated. As hard, challenging, drawn out and frustrating as it may be, it’s a great ride and helps to develop so many aspects of who we are.
sorry for the rambling and thanks for reading if you are reading this now.
Andrew,
Well said. And we know the book will be worth waiting for, so don’t worry about time frame.
We all learn the most when things aren’t going our way. Hard lessons don’t come easily. Glad you have this one in perspective!
Know we are still pulling for you and hope to see you soon.
Much love,
Lace Mutha
Why not contact your old editor who moved to penguin? The bonus an internationally renownedl publishing company!
Mad respect to you and your amazing tenacity, courage and TALENT!! We all believe in you…here’s to finding the perfect match this summer.
Wave and a hug. Thanks for you, and Alexis’ words of encouragement! Write on!
Love,
Mamarjorie
Oh..Andrew..what a complete being you are becoming. We’ll be talking soon
Keep hanging in there Andrew, think of you often and loving you from afar!
So good to hear from you Andrew and to be updated on your happenings . Have faith in your goodness and talent. Your words are meant to be heard and we will wait for them. I believe that everything happens for a reason, hard as that may be to endure when we are in that moment. But Joy will come in the morning and all that good stuff. Take good care. In what location is yourself? DJ
Love you lots, Andrew. Come see us this summer. xxx
Take a deep breath…inhale the memories of your experiences and exhale them on paper. You can do it. God gave you the gift of all those experiences to share with others…opening our eyes to the goodness that was displayed through others toward you, in this messed up world. I think we had forgotten that fact.
I remembered how blessed I felt after reading your emails. I prayed that God would protect you and give you your heart’s desire and that He would crown your efforts with success. He’s not finish yet and neither are you. Do your part and He will continue to do His part. God Bless you. jor
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