what a drag.jpg“You’ve got to hide for many years, from the moment you begin to suspect that you’re not who you thought you were, the moment you see that you’ve never actually seen yourself. This first moment of uncertainty is the gateway through which your magic will enter, and it is your life’s work as a wizard to keep that gateway open by protecting the uncertainty, the great I-Don’t-Know. But at first, you won’t know how to not know because that’s all you’ve been taught, to know. You’ll still have that death grip instinct to grasp for certainty and solidity and security, and you’ll betray your magic by clamming onto the first thing that touches your soul’s palm—an idea, a philosophy, another person. These are the tender years, when you are learning how to be yourself. You are impressionable, easily impressed by what you think might be you, and you’ll grab at anything that will fill the void of the certainty that has left you. And so you’ve got to hide, take refuge, find shelter out of the storm of your own seething desire to know yourself, and of everything that’s trying to exploit this innocent longing by telling you who you are and how you’re supposed to be. Go into hiding, alone, and find out for yourself.”

“You’re not hiding from that which will challenge your understanding of who you are. Not at all. You are hiding from that which assures you that you already know, and from anything else that tells you how to be you, or what it means to be you. Anything that tells you who you are is dark magic, and you must hide from it until you’ve become acquainted with yourself and the magic you were born to be.”

“The dark magic is everywhere. It gets hurled to and fro everyday by millions of witches and wizards, most of whom don’t even realize they’re trafficking in the stuff, or don’t see that it’s moving them and speaking through them. In the tender years, you can’t quite see the dark magic yet, even though you know it’s out there. You haven’t learned to sense it when it’s happening, which means you can’t know when you’re absorbing the radiation. The only way you know how to protect yourself is to shut down, which is why you have to hide for a while: because you mustn’t live that way, shut down.”

“Once you’ve spent enough time alone outside in the dark; once you’ve become acquainted with some of your own soul’s silent wonders; once you are capable of being yourself instead of seeking yourself in everything you hear and everyone you see; then, you don’t have to hide anymore. In fact, when you have met your magic like this, you have to come out. It is your obligation to be witnessed doing the work of being yourself, to walk wide open in the world, untouched by the curses and hexes of ‘you’re supposed to be this’ and ‘you should be that.’ Disenchanted. Bewitched no more. When you are you in this way, the simple work of being yourself will become an invitation for others to take up the work of being themselves, and that’s the highest magic of all: to be me in such a way that asks you to be you, and to be so truly you that I am obliged to really be me.”

*Shadow Walk by SamDakota

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